bronwynrh | How to make a grad student pitch a fit in 3 easy steps

Take one graduate student.

(1) Add stress.
This is already done. The subject is already a stressed-out mess by simple virtue of the fact that subject is, indeed, a graduate student.

(2) Add (a) exhaustion and, if possible, (b) menses
Condition (a) will vary, but prime times for fit pitching application are while subject is undergoing qualifying examinations or manuscript preparation, is teaching classes and/or supervising students, and/or supervising the lab. Opportunities will be various and sundry. Watch for your best moment! Condition (b) will only apply for the feminine of the species, but may add an extra punch of tears to your fit pitching campaign. Good luck!

(3) Call subject multiple times in the middle of the night using a fax machine.
Provided for your convenience is a call schedule. Follow this closely for maximal effect.
01:00
03:33
04:31
04:58
05:17
Ensure that your name and number are blocked so that subject can neither identify you nor call nor fax you back. By the 4:31 am phone call, subject should be completely exhausted, angry, and ready for murder.

****
3:40am
TALK 0
*SBC Operator Pat* mmmm . . .
--Hello? Hello?
....
--Hello?!? Hellloooo?!?
..... *click*
--What the fuck? A fucking operator grunts and hangs up on me? What?!?

3:42am
TALK 0
*SBC Operator Pat* . . .
--Hello. Hello?
.....
--Hello? Are you there? Pat?
.... *click*
--Oh. My. God. You have GOT to be kidding me! I don't care WHAT kind of shitty night you're having, I'm having a shitty night too! I can sympathize! Now answer my fucking call!

3:44am
TALK 0
*SBC Operator Paula* (thank goodness) Hello, may I help you?
--Hello, Paula! Are you really there?
Yes ma'am, I'm here, can I help you?
~So I ratted out Pat and complained about the fax calls. I have to wait until 9am and call back to see if they can put a trace on my phone to find out who's doing it. That is, if they do it again. My only other option, they tell me, is to change the phone number I've had for 4 years.

I've been receiving unsolicited fax calls for months now. Multiple calls a day, several times a week. Some idiot must have given my number out, and now some other idiot decided it was a good idea to start sending his fax to me at 1am.

So now, going on less than 2 hours of sleep, I start what looks to be a fan-fucking-tastic day. Needless to say, I just got up after the last call. What, indeed, was the point in trying to sleep anymore?

EDIT: Annoyance call hotline tells the subject (me) that a trace is now on the line, but I can only report calls that I have actually picked up and heard the fax tone. Why? Because they can't (aren't allowed) to trace the telemarketers and other such-whats that may be calling - those are for the police - goose chase is what she called it. In other words, I have to hope I get (un)lucky enough to have a repeat of last night's fiasco because otherwise, I'm not going to catch a fax attempt sent during normal business hours. That's right! I work!!

Damn, am I ever so tired.