DABDA

[bronwynrh]

I got to talk with my dearest friend Hadley last night. Hadley-Bronwyn, as she's called, between the two of us, as we consider ourselves cosmic soul-twins.

She reminded me what we were taught about how people deal with loss: Doubt, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. I don't know if I buy all of it, but being very far away from somebody you care about can make it very hard to make their death feel real.

Anger? Yeah, I'm right there with the anger, boy. Am I ever angry. So. Angry. Honestly, there just aren't words for how angry I am. Wesley was just 21 years old. He'd already survived leukemia. Had reached his benchmark remission year. And then, last February, he started having bad headaches and disorientation and vision changes - a brain tumor. Anger doesn't even begin to describe how I feel.

I may move on to the other stages eventually, as I sort of did when my 14 year old cousin was killed by a drunk driver almost 20 years ago. But the anger can always be revitalized, it seems, and the acceptance is never complete. I don't ever want to accept these deaths because they simply are not acceptable.

I'll move on and get on with my life, doing the things I need and want to do simply because that's what I have to do to live my life and make my own life worth living, worth remembering. Just as Wes and Greg left their impressions on me, I want to make some positive impression on the people and world around me. That's always been my purpose, my goal.

Comments

Hope this helps

[(Anonymous)]

"I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength, and I stand and watch until at last she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sun and sky come down to mingle with each other. Then someone at my side says, 'There she goes!'
"Gone where? Gone from my sight - that is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of destination.
"Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says, 'There she goes!' there are other eyes watching her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, 'Here she comes!'"
Love..SA

[kendokamel.livejournal.com]

*hug*

[thatthingido.livejournal.com]

I want to make some positive impression on the people and world around me. That's always been my purpose, my goal.

And you do.
The morning after my 21st birthday (I think) I found out that my recent ex- my first big love who I was supposed to eventually end up with except that obviously I wasn't supposed to- had died in a car accident the night before (while I was drunk and partying). I don't want to say anything else about that situation except this:

You have to grieve in your own way and everyone does in their own way. It pissed me off when people said, "I know how you feel." While I understood that they meant well and a very small part of me appreciated the sentiment behind the words I felt like saying, "Fuck off, you don't know how I feel. Only I know how I feel." IMO if there's a list of what NOT to say to a grieving person, "I know [just/exactly] how you feel" should be on it.

I believe that everyone's feelings of grief are slightly different because of the circumstances surrounding the relationship. Like fingerprints, no two relationships are alike.

There is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to feel. Don't let anyone tell you differently, tell you how you should or should not feel or invalidate your feelings.

I'm here if you need me.

agreed

[(Anonymous)]

my favorite is "God doesn't give you more than you can handle!" My response BULL!

FEELINGS

[(Anonymous)]

for me the death of a friend...of someone i love..has never been acceptable...i can't stand to lose a single one...but i didn't write the rules of life...and deep inside i know i can't change them...but sometimes i would like to try...d.burr