AAARRGH!!!!

[bronwynrh]

Performance anxiety sucks ass.

I have a headache, my guts are in turmoil, I'm nauseous and my blood pressure is all haywire.

I repeat: Performance anxiety sucks ass.

I'll be fine, I'm not worried about that at all - it's just my damned body that goes into complete revolt. I hate it.

Comments

[ashfault76.livejournal.com]

post-performance-comment:

You did wonderful, dahling.
Good job.

p.s. I *told* you somebody'd ask about C58 and sinR grown in mixed liquid culture..... ;-)

love ya,
me

!

[corto.livejournal.com]

whatcha talk'en 'bout Willis?

and don't just brush this off... I really want to know.

Not brushing this off

[bramey.livejournal.com]

This was the day of my presentation - my Biochemistry and Molecular Biology (BMB) presentation, to be precise. It was also the day of my committee meeting. I gave an hour-long oral presentation of the last year's worth of my research to a room full of students and faculty and answered a number of tricky questions.

I'm in the fourth year of my PhD thesis research, about to publish my first manuscript full of data that makes sense but doesn't in a nifty but disconcerting sort of way.

I've always suffered from performance anxiety, so in that sense, last Thursday was no different from the piano recitals and vocal solos and stage roles of yesteryear. On the other hand, I'm in training for my career now, so the stakes are a bit higher even though this was not a test or an interview and technically, nothing was at risk.

Needless to say, at the beginning of the day I was strung out and on the verge of tears. My meeting was directly after the presentation so I had to hang in even though I was wiped out, dehydrated and hungry. Although I knew the answers to all of my committee's questions, I was slow to answer, so I was disappointed at that, but I hope they understood. Afterward, I found my friend Dave in the hallway and sobbed into his chest for a couple of minutes. Exhaustion reflex.

Dave (ashfault76, have you met him?) gives the best hugs, so that's some help, but he has yet to even approach the level of dedication that I have, so although he understands, he can't yet empathize.

So anyway, that's what was going on. The next time the committee meeting comes around, it will probably be for my "6 month" - the one that comes 6 months before my projected defense. The Big One. Hoo-Boy. Talk about anxiety!