Lab Week 2009 - It's Joke Time!

[bronwynrh]

It's time for the annual PGxl Lab Week Joke Contest. Tomorrow at the Chow Wagon, over beers, we will tell our best jokes in hopes of stealing the title from Elizabeth.

Last year's winner:

Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a man came by and flashed them. One lady had a stroke, the other couldn't reach.

Gimme your best jokes.  Our CEO is a little... um... proper, so the jokes can't be too blatantly crude. That's the only rule, really.

Yuk it up, my friends!

Comments

[kendokamel.livejournal.com]

A truck driver was having a bad day.

His truck had broken down in the country and there was no alternative for the trucker but to walk the ten miles to the nearest farmhouse.

He explained his predicament to the farmer and asked if he could spend the night.

"Sure," said the farmer, "but I must warn you that I don't have any daughters. I don't even have a spare room, so you'll have to share my bed."

"Damn," said the trucker. "I'm in the wrong joke."

[srallen.livejournal.com]

So...

A Jew, an Italian, a duck, a piece of string, a sailor and Dudley Moore walk into a bar.

The bartender looks up: "What is this, some kind of a joke?"

[gwangi.livejournal.com]

Q: What's brown and rhymes with "Snoop"?


A: Dr. Dre

[scorpbeotch.livejournal.com]

BBAhAHhAhhahHahHAhHAhaH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[platofish.livejournal.com]

A woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very worried and strung out.

"Doctor, when I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight."

[platofish.livejournal.com]

From George Carlin

If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

[platofish.livejournal.com]

A nerdy, science one...

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

[sayga.livejournal.com]

Here are two that I made up. I'll warn you though, most people don't think they're funny, but they crack ME up!

What does a weasel eat for breakfast?
Stoat-meal!

What do you call a very wise deer?
A Gnuru (guru + gnu)

[gwangi.livejournal.com]

Q: How many pretentious indie assholes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: *eye roll* You mean you don't KNOW?

A clean joke for the CEO

[platofish.livejournal.com]

Our CEO was scheduled to speak at an big scientific meeting, so he asked me to write him a punchy, 20-minute speech. When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious.

"What's the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?" he demanded to know. "Half the audience walked out before I finished."

I told him "I wrote you a 20-minute speech.....I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for."

Re: A clean joke for the CEO

[bramey.livejournal.com]

I chose this one. It got a big laugh, but I didn't win.

The joke about the midget with the speech impediment one.

*snap* Damn!

[ashfault76.livejournal.com]

I can't take credit for this one - it came from Nicki - but it's too good not to pass on. Although, I'm not sure it will pass the "proper" filter - it's a bit...inappropriate.

Why did Smokey the Bear never have kids?
Because every time his wife got hot, he beat her with a shovel.

[curlicue.livejournal.com]

What did one rabbit say to the other?

This will be fun, wasn't it?