Knock Knock
May. 21st, 2003 11:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bronwynrh*knock knock*
Jeezus, who the hell is that?
I untangle myself from the blanket and roll off the couch to go look through the peephole in the door. Off to the side I can just barely see a youngish man in a blue shirt and slacks. . . He's standing off to the side. . .
*knock knock*
Christ! All right!
I open the door just wide enough for me to fit in the opening. Yep. Young dyed-blond guy, blue shirt and slacks. He's nicely dressed and is holding . . .
a bottle of Ajax liquid antibacterial dish soap.
"Hello, ma'am! I'd like to offer you this free gift," he says as he hands the soap to me. "It's just dish soap," I say, with a look that says he'd better make a point and get off my porch pdq.
"Oh, well this is just a free gift we'd like you to have. I'd like to tell you about this new product!"
"The soap? Ajax has been around for a long long time."
"Oh no, the soap is a little extra. . . (here is where I have forgotten a few words because the words he ended with put me in mind of many Made-For-TV Lifetime and America's Most Wanted type movies) . . . if you'd just step outside, I'd like to show you what I have in the back of my van."
Stifle, stifle! FREAK!!! Oh my god, you are such a freak! Do you seriously think I would come outside and look in the back of your van? Jeeeezus! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAhahahahahahahahaaaaa {{gasp}}
*wipes tears*
gathers internal self
Sober tone, serious face, "Um, no. Thank you. I really don't think so."
"Well, have I caught you at a bad time? We can come back at a more convenient time."
"No, really. There is no convenient time for this. Do not come back. Thank you." I handed the Ajax back to him and closed the door, then ran to my bedroom window to watch as he got back into the van. There were several other, identically dressed people in the van with him, all holding bottles of Ajax antibacterial liquid dish soap. I also went ahead and let loose with the internal dialogue and laughter I had previously stifled.
Since I'm already aware that the local BPD dispatcher is a wonderfully friendly, good-humored woman, I gave her a call:
"Hello, I just got a visit from a young man in a blue van who gave me a bottle of Ajax. He wanted me to come out and look at something in his van. . . ?"
The receptionist, in a very concerned voice responded, "Whoa. Let me give you to dispatch."
"Hello, dispatch" Ahh, there she is. My cheery dispatch lady! Love her! I repeated my line, and added, "what's his deal, do you know?"
"Hahahahhahaaaa! So it's Ajax now, is it?" I asked her, "Why, what was it before?" She's still laughing, "Cases of Pepsi!"
"Oh dear lord."
"These guys are freaks. They really need to change their line, they're scaring the crap out of people."
"Um. What are they selling?"
"Vacuum cleaners!"
The rest of our conversation involved laughing at these people and the dispatcher congratulating me for not going outside to look in the back of a stranger's van. Wheeee!
Duh. :-D
Good to know they weren't scoping out my house for a burglary.
Ok, so it was more entertaining than the episode of Roseanne I was watching at the time. I'll grant them that.
Jeezus, who the hell is that?
I untangle myself from the blanket and roll off the couch to go look through the peephole in the door. Off to the side I can just barely see a youngish man in a blue shirt and slacks. . . He's standing off to the side. . .
*knock knock*
Christ! All right!
I open the door just wide enough for me to fit in the opening. Yep. Young dyed-blond guy, blue shirt and slacks. He's nicely dressed and is holding . . .
a bottle of Ajax liquid antibacterial dish soap.
"Hello, ma'am! I'd like to offer you this free gift," he says as he hands the soap to me. "It's just dish soap," I say, with a look that says he'd better make a point and get off my porch pdq.
"Oh, well this is just a free gift we'd like you to have. I'd like to tell you about this new product!"
"The soap? Ajax has been around for a long long time."
"Oh no, the soap is a little extra. . . (here is where I have forgotten a few words because the words he ended with put me in mind of many Made-For-TV Lifetime and America's Most Wanted type movies) . . . if you'd just step outside, I'd like to show you what I have in the back of my van."
Stifle, stifle! FREAK!!! Oh my god, you are such a freak! Do you seriously think I would come outside and look in the back of your van? Jeeeezus! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAhahahahahahahahaaaaa {{gasp}}
*wipes tears*
gathers internal self
Sober tone, serious face, "Um, no. Thank you. I really don't think so."
"Well, have I caught you at a bad time? We can come back at a more convenient time."
"No, really. There is no convenient time for this. Do not come back. Thank you." I handed the Ajax back to him and closed the door, then ran to my bedroom window to watch as he got back into the van. There were several other, identically dressed people in the van with him, all holding bottles of Ajax antibacterial liquid dish soap. I also went ahead and let loose with the internal dialogue and laughter I had previously stifled.
Since I'm already aware that the local BPD dispatcher is a wonderfully friendly, good-humored woman, I gave her a call:
"Hello, I just got a visit from a young man in a blue van who gave me a bottle of Ajax. He wanted me to come out and look at something in his van. . . ?"
The receptionist, in a very concerned voice responded, "Whoa. Let me give you to dispatch."
"Hello, dispatch" Ahh, there she is. My cheery dispatch lady! Love her! I repeated my line, and added, "what's his deal, do you know?"
"Hahahahhahaaaa! So it's Ajax now, is it?" I asked her, "Why, what was it before?" She's still laughing, "Cases of Pepsi!"
"Oh dear lord."
"These guys are freaks. They really need to change their line, they're scaring the crap out of people."
"Um. What are they selling?"
"Vacuum cleaners!"
The rest of our conversation involved laughing at these people and the dispatcher congratulating me for not going outside to look in the back of a stranger's van. Wheeee!
Duh. :-D
Good to know they weren't scoping out my house for a burglary.
Ok, so it was more entertaining than the episode of Roseanne I was watching at the time. I'll grant them that.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Okay, I give
Date: May 21st, 2003 09:42 am (UTC)Re: Okay, I give
Date: May 21st, 2003 09:45 am (UTC)Then there was the time when the old geezer hit my car and drove away.
I've never met her personally!
(no subject)
Date: May 21st, 2003 09:44 am (UTC)That's all I can say..
peels of laughter
Date: May 21st, 2003 10:07 am (UTC)thanks from drawing the attention of all my coworkers to me... :D
Re: peels of laughter
Date: May 21st, 2003 10:20 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: May 21st, 2003 10:27 am (UTC)Glad you had a good time while your mother was there. I just love Old Navy...:-)
Hello? I'd like a large deep dish pizza with...
Date: May 21st, 2003 10:58 am (UTC)We got to know our local dispatchers back home in Little Rock... of course, usually we were chewing them out for taking 45 minutes to respond to someone trying to get into our house... :-)
(no subject)
Date: May 21st, 2003 11:06 am (UTC)Here, dear. Put down that cat and step out of that house coat. We're going shopping for a little excitement for you. ;-)
(no subject)
Date: May 21st, 2003 11:15 am (UTC)*smack!*
{grin}
For the record, I don't have a housecoat. I have a reversible satin-fleece robe in a red wine color. :-P
And I DID go outside late last night while I was wearing it to check out what the sirens and flashing lights were doing down the street.
It's the lace-curtain Irish in me, what can I say?
(no subject)
Date: May 21st, 2003 02:11 pm (UTC)Hahahahahaha!!!!
I'm quite glad that we don't get that sort of thing in my neighborhood... but in a way, I'm almost a bit jealous of all of the "excitement" you seem to get over there.
I didn't even know that people sold vaccum cleaners door to door, anymore! (;
(no subject)
Date: May 21st, 2003 02:32 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: May 21st, 2003 02:42 pm (UTC)How do you handle them, sula-dear? Do you scare them outright, or do you toy with them like a cat toys with a fly on the windowsill before going in for the kill?
(no subject)
Date: May 21st, 2003 02:58 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: May 21st, 2003 08:02 pm (UTC)They're polite, certainly, but they shuffle away with a little more pep.
(no subject)
Date: May 21st, 2003 08:26 pm (UTC)