Why? Why? Why?

[bronwynrh]

I got an e-mail today from an ex boyfriend to whom I have not spoken in maybe 5 years. And that last interchange was not even my choice. (Long story short, he made an unannounced visit to town after being gone for over a year and was somehow surprised when I didn't fling myself into his arms. Hence his use of the word "snub".)

I have some level of confidence that my more recent ex boyfriend will never write or call me in a drunken haze - he'll probably never write or call me, which is just fine by me.

But why this guy decided to pop up again is a mystery.

Well, I have few secrets, and this is certainly not one of them, so I figured I'd share it with you guys and see what you think - I am going to lock this one out to non-live journal users, because I don't want him landing on this if he finds it through Yahoo. *late edit: I decided to unlock this. I see no real reason to hide this - HE'S the one who wrote to me while drunk. I have no shame here)

"Hi Brony,

Its been a long time and I am not sure why I am writing you right now. I think it may have something to do with booze and insomnia.

Do you know that Grant and Karin finally got married this summer? They asked about you and that got me thinking, which is always dangerous. I typed your name into yahoo and it gave me your school site which gave me your email. I had not worked up the nerve to write you until just now, but like I said, it might be the booze. I figured you might not be pleased to hear from me since our last conversation went so ... poorly.

But you look good and I am glad that you got a career in biology. "Graduate Research Assistant" sounds like a decent gig. Are you going for your PhD? How is your life?

Feel free to snub me. I probably deserve it.

But I never threw away all the letters you wrote me. I still look at them from time to time and I think of you fondly.

Chris"

So my internal debate is bouncing between two options: 1) ignore the email and "snub" him as he expects me to do or 2) be the too-nice self (see Post from Oct. 8) that I am and write back to him, simply stating that perhaps it would be better if he tried writing to me while sober.

Help? Suggestions?

Another late edit: My last words to this person were (and I quote), "I have a life to live and things to do and I am living and doing quite well without you. Please leave me alone". I guess he forgot that little request of mine.

Arg.

Comments

$0.02

[ashfault76.livejournal.com]

Ok, so you're considering your options. let me ask you this, if you tell him to try writing you while sober and he does, how will you react? Think carefully...do you really *want* him to write you back? Yeah he might have something different to say while sober, but you ahve to decide whether you really want to hear it or not. You've known for a long time that he is NOT worth your time, so why should you give him your time now? If you tell him that you want to hear from him, you're inviting him back into your life and from what I've heard (from you) of him he'll probably take that as an invitation to dump all the latest of his life's problems (or joys) on you and he'll want you to care. and being the too-nice person you are, you *will* care. So ask yourself, "Do I really want to add all his drama and issues back to my life?" before you reply to him.

That's my opinion... do you really care if he thinks you've snubbed him again?

Re: $0.02

[potch1214.livejournal.com]

Gotta agree with Dave here. (BTW Dave, Howdy!)

Unless you WANT this guy back in your life, DEFINITELY snub. Anything else can be contrued as you caring, and if you care, there's ALWAYS a shot.

Trust me... Don't reply. Do you really care if he thinks you snubs him?

Resist the urge to be nice. RESIST IT I TELL YOU!!!

For the love of Harold, RESIST!!!

Do I have to get Rusty to come over there with the swift Backhand O' Justice for ya?

[kendokamel.livejournal.com]

I'm agreeing with the guys, here.

The other option I see is to reply in a cordial yet concise manner that politely thanks him for his concerns, and that you are doing well and very happy, and that you wish him well.

I wonder if some guys seem to think that, while their life has gone through twists and turns in our absence, that ours have remained in a state of stasis... that we'd be exactly like we were before we split.

Last spring, my first ex-boyfriend emailed me out of the blue... I think he found me the same way yours did... this was the one who went to college a year before I did and met this girl and slept with her, then begged me to forgive him blah blah blah... which I stupidly did, then he did it again and couldn't understand why he couldn't have us both...so I dumped him spring of my freshman year.

Anyways... way off topic there, kind of... it was odd... he sent me this whole summary of his life since me.... his wife has left him, the kid (which suddenly appeared not too long after I dumped him...) is in kindergarden or something like that... he's working for Microsoft, and isn't all that satisfied.

I wonder if he went back through all of his girlfriends before he got around to emailing me...? (

You've gotten some good advice.

[(Anonymous)]

Sweetie, take their advice. Don't write him. He is (was) one of those that the world revolves around him and his problems. Seems to me if I remember correctly, there were more problems than joys anyway.

DRUNKEN REGRETS

[(Anonymous)]

it is true that people can change...but it is very dangerous to take to heart the words of someone who is drunk...in fact he may regret sending the letter...but deep inside i think he knows he blew it...thinks you were something special...and has big time regrets.

Re: DRUNKEN REGRETS

[ashfault76.livejournal.com]

...all the more reason for you to NOT write back